AITA for not wearing a bra at work?

In our modern age of comfort and body autonomy, it is shocking to find how many times women are still policed over the way they wish to dress, and especially so in the working environment. A few days ago, a personal narrative trended on social media after one of the staff was challenged by a colleague on why she did not wear a bra to work even though she was dressed according to the company dress code. Which led to awkward interaction and an even bigger discussion on professionalism, personal boundaries and outmoded expectations. This blog talks about the experience, the response to that experience and what it tells us about the way we treat bodies in professional spaces.

I just wanted to be comfortable

I went bra-free in the last several years. They never fit properly and once I had figured out that I did not really need them to feel supported or to look good, I rejected them. I am a B cup thus I do not feel like I am making a scene or being inappropriate. I am appropriately dressed at all times- nothing transparent, cut short, or off-the-shoulder. But yeah, so when someone gazes, perhaps they are able to see the shape of my nipple. I truly never considered that would be a problem. I have been working in my current job position now almost two years. Nobody ever said anything to me about what I wear.

I retain my employment, I adhere to the firm policies and stay professional. It has a dress code which is rather loose, there are no offensive logos, no provocative clothes. Nothing within it says anything about undergarments or bras. One of my older colleagues came to me at the end of my shift. She had this strained smile and began by saying she has always been good to younger women but there was something she needed to know.

Did Note Understand

I did not understand and nodded and she said, Would you mind beginning to wear a bra to work? It is sort of a distraction, and I do not like seeing you fly your body this way and that.” I was amazed. I was at a loss of words a moment. No, I said to her, I was sorry. I never wear bras and I am not violating any dress code. I just live in my body.” She did not like it. She snorted and left, obviously angry.

Then I began to doubt myself. I returned home and read again the dress code policy by the HR. Nothing in it about bras, nothing about undergarments. It said only some general rules such as no offensive words or images on tops, they should not be cropped, and they should not be off-the-shoulder. Technically I was not breaking anything. Nevertheless, I could not get rid of the anxiety. Suppose she gave complaint? And what would happen were another to agree with her?

HR was cool and professional

I was anxious, however HR was cool and professional. They said that going without a bra was not against the policy and that as long as my shirt was not see through or inappropriate I was okay. They even told me that they would talk to the coworker in private since it is not acceptable that the coworker should make me feel uncomfortable over something that is an individual choice of clothing that is not prohibited. It was a great relief at that time. Then I felt I was getting a breath. I was not wrong and I was not alone.

It was weird at work a bit after that though. My colleague would not talk to me and would hardly say something. I was feeling the tension. Whether she has shared the news with others I do not know, but a couple of my colleagues began treating me a bit cold. Nobody attacked me directly, but everybody knew that my behavior changed.

Comments

I became frustrated and needed to vent so I shared my experience on a well-known forum. The reaction was enormous. Comments poured in hundreds. The majority of the people informed me that I was not wrong. One comment that just stood out to me was “Since you exist in your body, this does not mean you are tossing it around.” Somebody else said that in case one is distracted by the chest of a colleague because of a perfectly decent shirt, perhaps he is the one with the issue.

When I read those responses, I saw just how much we as women are policed on our appearance even when we do the things we are supposed to. We are supposed to mold our comfortability in accordance with the responses of other individuals. Wear a bra so people will not stare. Cover up to make people not feel offended. So why is my body inappropriate because I am not wearing extra padding?

The entirety of this made me remember that comfort is not supposed to be a controversial decision. It is not a statement or attention, I just wish to wear the clothes that do not make me feel different or uncomfortable. In retrospect, I am happy that I held my own. It was awkward and aggravating, yet it was to be done. I wish more workplaces would understand that workplace dress codes need to be about real professionalism, not old fashioned notions of modesty. That should be all that counts so long as someone is doing their job and abiding by the official rules.